part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
