yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
