I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
