Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
