when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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