Can Purell be used as lube?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
