Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize