That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
