how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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