sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
