If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
