Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize