I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
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I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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