He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
