So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He? As in you personified your dick?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
