you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
