May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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