i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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