I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sext me about skeletons
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
