He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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