Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
