I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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