i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The best revenge is premature balding
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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