she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
one two three fourrrrnication!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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