Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
