he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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