That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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