You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
