When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
