marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Everyone says I win the strip club
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
