I'm jealous of your bromance
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
