I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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