Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
