Got a toothbrush?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
