Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
