I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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