Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
