When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
