In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So squirting runs in the family.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
