You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
