Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
