I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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