Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
