OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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