you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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