dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
