I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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