i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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