she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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