Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
