Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We got so high we made milksteak
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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