you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
