I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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