new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
