If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
