in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize