this beer tastes like vomit already
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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