oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize