it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
