I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
