I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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