i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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