My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
