I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
