Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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