final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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