maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
