There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
