things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
