yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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