I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
