Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
