so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
