did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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