I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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