I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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