Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
