your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
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