I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am puke
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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