I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
