If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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