As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
