I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
