I think I won the penis lottery.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
