im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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